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8 Powerful Tips on Listening To Your Wife

8 Powerful Tips on Listening To Your Wife

Listening to your wife is a skill you should take seriously. I am a terrible listener when distracted. If we are in a crowd, the multiple conversations of the group will get my attention. Busy restaurants are difficult for me. If it is a beautiful day outside and the light is shining through the window, my eyes gaze out the window mesmerizing me and making it difficult to hear the person talking.

James 1:19 — “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;”

If I want to say something and my mind is gathering information to express that comment, I have a difficult time continuing to listen to the person talking. If it’s a sporting event, it is like that person is not even there. When the conversation takes place, and you are in different rooms, forget about it. Long phone conversations don’t work well for me either. Do you have these issues or am I alone?

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Listening To Your Wife

Having an advanced degree in counseling only helps when my focus is complete, and that takes effort and foresight. I know how to listen and how to ask questions, but first, my attention must be there. I admit, my wife will talk to me anytime, and as a result, my focus is not complete, and many conversations disappear. She’ll say, “Do you remember when I told you about the Smiths coming over for dinner?” And I won’t have a clue.

Communication between husbands and wives are hugely important. Men don’t talk as much, and we certainly don’t make it a practice of listening. If I am talking to my buddies, I better well get the thought out in three sentences or less. Otherwise, it’s gone. Unless it’s sports, our attention span is rather short.

Guys, it’s important to listen to your wives and pay attention to what they have to say. If you love her, you will learn to care enough to listen and interact in meaningful conversations. 

8 Powerful Tips on Listening To Your Wife

  1. Eliminate the distractions. (reread above)
  2. Make eye contact. I feel most comfortable being 10 to 20 feet away for long conversations.
  3. Find out the topic you are talking about before the discussion starts.
  4. Rephrase what she is saying or restate what she said. It will help you to stay focused.
  5. Ask questions. Don’t argue with her, if possible. The right questions will help to clarify.
  6. Don’t look at your watch but help her to move in the right direction.  Gently help her to keep the discussion moving towards completion.  (If you are in a cabin in the woods or retired, forget this point and be thankful for the conversation.)
  7. Find a good location where there are few distractions, and you both feel comfortable. If necessary, go to that cabin in the woods for more long-term severe discussions.
  8. Pray.  Maintain a spirit of prayer during the conversation. It will help you maintain the humility necessary for authentic communication. She will pick up on your attitude before your words.

By Paul

For more reading materials on listening to your wife and how to communicate, we recommend these articles:

 

16 Comments

  1. RT

    Your point 6..so many times do I fail on this.
    I wish the “cabin” was right out in the back yard.

    Point 8 Praise the Lord!!!!
    God is teaching me to treat my bride like He treats me, and men the more I fall in love with God, the love, respect, honor and care for my bride is becoming second nature to me.

    I pray that all who read this today, will be blessed and find peace, in Jesus name, Amen

    Reply
  2. Roger

    Sounds just like me

    Reply
  3. Kelly Buzby

    You are not alone. I have these issues, thanks for the word.

    Reply
  4. Agyenim-Boateng

    This is so invigorating. I know how blessed I am reading this. I pray God would help us live to His standard and become better husbands to the glory of God.
    God richly bless the writer(s).

    Reply
    • Tj Todd

      Thank you for the encouragement and prayers. Please keep Uncommen in your prayers as we try to grow the ministry and reach around the world.

      Reply
  5. Steven A

    It’s funny how God works. This is an area that me and my wife struggle with constantly. These points are very helpful and God willing I will be able to put them into practice. One question I have for the men that have been married 15+ years is . How did you go about addressing and fixing your communication issues with your spouse in the initial years of your marriage? Thank you in advance for your prayers and feedback.

    Reply
    • Rik Goodell

      Listening to her with inention is her equivalent of love-making. When my thick head finally allowed that understanding (1Peter3:7) I was blessed with a new consciousness that, over time, allowed me to become my wife’s best listener.

      Reply
    • Christopher Marks

      Steven A my wife and I have been married 20 + years and we can always do better in the area of communication. But my understanding of how much listening to her means to her and then her understanding that if she wants to communicate something important it would be better to wait until the big game is over. Of course when we first got married the cell phone wasn’t as big as an issue as now. In marriage communication is a two way street but us men need to lead in that area. Be blessed!

      Reply
  6. Ryan

    Wow.. this is spot on. My wife seems to think I’m the only man in the world that struggles with this. If I could conquer this giant I know I would improve our relationship. Not that we have a weak relationship but there is always room to improve. I am going to make it a point to put forth the effort, block out the noise, and really try to turn a corner. One thing to add is to always remind ourselves of what’s important in our life. When we actively try to listen to our wives, they are going to feel more important. There shouldn’t be many other priorities more important than you spouse. If you feel that you can argue that something worldly is more important, there may be bigger issues that need to be addressed.

    Reply
    • Tj Todd

      Men are use usually horrible at communication and we are not much better at listening unless it’s something we are interested in. How are we to lead our families let along spread the Good News of Christ if we are this back at communication? Pray about how you can better communicate and listen to people. You may find it helps your marriage and your walk with Christ.

      Reply
  7. Jack Zhang

    As a first time visitor of Uncommen, I am inspired by the responses to the article as much as by the article itself!
    Where else one could find such honest, positive yet humble conversation about how to improve relationships with our wives! I am definitely in the right place! I pray that more men find God’s love through UNCOMMEN!

    Reply
    • Tj Todd

      Jack, thank you for the encouraging words. We pray that our content helps focus men toward God around the world.

      Reply
  8. Craig

    An interesting story, one that I can relate to. Can you direct me to the companion article “Listening to your Husband” as that is a relevant topic too.
    Thanks in advance

    Reply
    • Tj Todd

      Craig, Thank you for your input.

      When we write something like “listening to your wife”, we are writing to men. That’s what we do.

      Listening to your husband, would be us writing to women and that’s not what we do. But we probably do have something about, if you want to be a leader, you need to act like one. I’ll try to find something and post it here or you can visit our website and look in the leader section.

      Stay Uncommen!

      Reply
      • Craig

        Thanks for your response, the gist of which was pretty much what I expected.
        My observations on the state of matrimony in our country is thus; a man is supposed to listen to and please the woman. The woman then decides whether or not the man has listened to, and/or pleased her.
        She has no responsibility to listen to or try to please him. Pretty hard for a man to be a “leader” in that environment.
        Every divorce that I have intimate knowledge of was caused by the wife’s adultery. There was no abuse involved, the women were simply “unhappy” with their situation. And they cared not one whit for what their spouse’s(or families) feelings were. The only “feelings” that mattered were theirs. I’m certain that you’ve heard “happy wife, happy life”, and if “momma’s not happy, no one in the family is either”.
        I lived my life that way-once. Now, if any woman that I’m involved with utters those words they are out the door. There is always another.
        In a perfect world, your advice/views are admirable. However, as long as these adages have any relevance, no man can be a “leader” of the family.

        Reply
        • Tj Todd

          Craig, I know it’s difficult when we feel like only one person in the relationship is trying. But we can’t project that onto everyone we meet. I’ve seen men take their childhood and use it as a weapon all of their adult life. I’ve seen people go through a hard marriage from the outside and seem to be happy.

          Since we can’t change other people, all we can do is make ourselves as Christlike as possible. Pray that God leads someone to us that compliments us and helps us both grow in God’s favor.

          If we approach relationships with “Well I’m doing all I can…why can’t she” then I think most women will fall short.

          Get involved with a Church, join a singles group and try to meet a Godly women who is looking to be the women God wants her to be.

          That’s when each person will be striving to be what the other person needs as it will bring Glory to God.

          I hope this helps.

          Reply

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