Romance Your Wife

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You know your wife wants romance, and you probably know you should try a little harder. But it doesn’t always come naturally. When you were dating, your romantic and creative side meant flowers, love notes, and chocolates.

But after the honeymoon is over, and the newness wears off, it’s easy to settle into a comfortable rut where the dates and romantic gestures don’t happen much or at all.

I encourage you to forget the grand gestures and focus on the little things that will put a smile on her face. Here are some simple and cute ways to romance your wife:

Show Her You Appreciate Her

It’s important to let her know you’re thinking about her and how grateful you are for her throughout the day. A simple text, note or a phone call is a great way to show you are thinking about her and appreciate her. This can be done on the ride home from work, during your lunch break or a moment at night when you’re home.

Learn her love language

Dr. Gary Chapman in his famous book the 5 Love Languages talks about this. Know and understand what makes her happy. Understand her love language can change over time; you might have to adjust. No matter her love language, here’s an example of things you can do for her:

Acts of service: Do the dishes and wash her car.

Words of affirmation: Write her a love letter and tell her how beautiful she looks.

Physical touch: Hold her hand in public and give her a massage before bed.

Receiving gifts: Give her a jar of “love coupons” which say things like, “I owe you a dinner date to your favorite restaurant,” to redeem whenever she chooses.

Quality time: Take her on a walk, hold hands and talk about her day.

Don’t do the same things

Every time you do something for her to show you care, switch it up. Repeating the same action becomes routine. Instead, think outside the box and start your day with a surprising ritual. If you’re only doing something out of habit, it’s thoughtfulness becomes diminished.

Surprise her

Give her a gift for no reason. A surprise trip, a pair of earrings or a flower from the back yard will do nicely. No matter how small or grand, surprising her shows her how much you care. It’s not about the gift; it’s the thought.

Ask her about her day

Show a genuine interest in how she’s doing. Spend time discussing the events of the day and even share how yours went afterward.

Compliment her daily

Take time to remind her how great she is and why you love her. A small compliment daily is better than one big compliment a few times a year. Think of how much you appreciate it when your wife compliments you.

“How can I help you today?”

Even if her love language isn’t acts of service, serve her. A daily question to ask is “How can I help you today?” Except don’t ask it like you’re about to take our fast food order. This question does two things.   First, it reminds her that you are there to serve her. Second, it takes the focus off you.

Tell her you love her

Saying and hearing “I love you” is crucial to believing it’s true. Don’t only say it to check it off the list for the day but find moments when it feels right to tell the person you married that you love her.

Kiss her like it’s the first time

Life gets busy, and sometimes it’s rare to get more than a quick peck before running off to the next thing. Take a couple of seconds every day to stop, hold her tight, look into her eyes and give her a long-lasting kiss that makes her tingle from head to toe.

The key to romance is making an honest effort. So go out of your way to win her heart again and again. As you do the unexpected, you’ll discover just how fun it is to surprise the love of your life – not to mention the added joy of having a wife who is continually falling in love with you.

About the author: Tj is the CEO of Studio490 Creative Services and Uncommen.



  1. Alejandro

    Good morning, I need help with my marriage. Help me how to show my wife how much she means to me. How to talk to her , I need to learn what she likes and what she loves. Please I need help

    • Tj Todd

      Alejandro, I just emailed you some information.

  2. Todd

    I have messed up in marriage. I LOVE MY WIFE, so why would i talk to other women? I did talk to other women and my wife found out. How can I save my marriage? I have to win her heart back.
    Please help Im desperate.

  3. Victor saucedo

    Todd I did the same thing… It’s not easy to win her back but take it day by day. These gestures are a start but you need to understand why you were talking to other women. I thought I needed to be friends with everyone, your wife is going to be your best friend she will know you best trust her with your thoughts and heart. Don’t give up on her she is worth fighting for!

  4. Ray Guest

    It seems I am really messing up my marriage. She says I am predictable and coward. It seems that I can’t say anything without her taking it completely different than the way I ment it. It seems I hav such a mental blockage that I don’t pickup on the things she is trying to say to me. Please I need lots of help. I don’t want to go through another Divorce.

    • Tj Todd

      Ray, thank you for reaching out. I’m going to email you privately with some info that may help. Communication is something every marriage struggles with and it’s why we always suggest spending time together reading the Bible. Having you and your wife focus on God’s word is a great place to get on the same page (no pun intended).

      • Joe

        Hey guys I need help, I have been struggling with addiction and have lost my wife’s trust. She is giving me another chance. Now I need to learn to focus on her more. I need to learn to hear what she’s saying and be intimate with her not expecting sex. I need to learn to pick up on the things that she needs so I am better at giving gifts or better at being present emotionally thank you

        • Tj Todd

          Joe, thank you for reaching out. Being there for your wife is a life long process that we all need to be working on. If we only engage them when we want sex, they may only engage us when they want something. Not a great marriage. Take a look at this Free resource – https://www.uncommen.org/25-ways-to-romance/


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