Let’s talk about how to lead your wife. In a small-group setting, the discussion circled back around to our sin-beginnings and the inevitable finger-pointing at Eve. My wife, intrinsically knowing better, leaned over to me and whispered: “The buck stopped with Adam. He failed to lead.”
Psalm 119:1-2: “Blessed are those whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the Lord. Blessed are those who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart.”
Where The Buck Stops | How to Lead Your Wife
Scripture backs up my better half’s observation. It states Eve was deceived, but not Adam (1 Timothy 2:14). That begs the question: If he wasn’t deceived, what was his responsibility in protecting his wife from deception?
One answer I’ve always enjoyed retelling comes from Robert Lewis’ book Raising a Modern-Day Knight. Lewis asserts if Adam had been the action figure God had intended when the serpent began engaging with Eve, Adam would’ve pulled out the garden hoe and hacked that snake’s head off! This rendition of good conquering evil using Adam coming to the rescue always appealed to me as I’m sure it does most men. However, I recently realized the circumstance as described in the Bible, or by Lewis, should never have materialized in the first place.
How to Lead Your Wife Courageously
I believe the pivotal point of the story develops earlier in the day. Picture one morning during their usual morning walk, Adam and Eve stroll along the familiar path about to pass a small trail that previously garnered little attention. However, today, something caught Eve’s eye, pulling her gaze down the tiny offshoot. Perhaps it was the sunlight glinting through the canopy of foliage as the evaporating mist revealed an enticing segue to an unexplored area of the garden.
Whatever the attraction, the narrow trail’s appeal would not allow her to pass it by this time. So as Eve began veering off towards the postcard visual, she’s not thinking about where it leads but rather its allure… compelled more from a “feeling” rather than a purposeful “choice.”
Adam, on the other hand, fully aware of this route’s destination, should have promptly reached out and caught Eve by the elbow, pulled her back to his side and kept her from the mistake. His responsibility to his wife was to say: “No Eve, we don’t journey where that leads – we need to stay focused on the instructions God gave us.”
But no, sadly Adam just watched her turn and meander down the wrong fork in the road, not willing to say anything. Perhaps just content with the view from behind as he followed, he couldn’t summon the courage to challenge his wife’s decision.
Happy Wife, Happy Life….not so much.
I fear this to be a husband’s challenge, and I raise my hand high in identification. The happy wife, happy wife cliché, or don’t rock the boat, means a husband is guilty of abandoning his leadership role for risk of conflict.
Looking closer at scripture, I notice the wording of God’s curse at the end of the story mentions this. He charged Adam: “Since you listened to your wife…” Signaling what went wrong here, God directly indicts him with knowing better. Eve was deceived, but Adam shirked his responsibility. (Genesis 3:16-17) Thereby setting up the struggle we live with today.
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