Do you ever have what people like to call tunnel vision? It’s the human condition. We all struggle with this, but we need to consider why perspective is important our lives, especially for our marriages. It can change a lot.
“Have you eyes of flesh? Do you see as man sees?” – Job 10:4
My family is in the middle of the wedding season. First, I get to walk our daughter down the aisle to marry the love of her life. Then, I get to perform the wedding for my niece and her fiancé. It is a pretty unique summer. Our marriage is a vital part of our lives, so it is a special time for us.
I like to cover one topic when talking to any couple. It is often best illustrated with a set of binoculars. If you look through a pair, it is usually through the smaller end aimed at an object some distance from you. You can see objects that are far away. But if you try to look at anything close to you, it is too blurry to distinguish anything. However, if you turn the binoculars around and look through the larger lens, objects close to you become clear and appear further away than they are.
Problems are a lot like that. If my wife or I have something on our hearts, sometimes it can make other areas of life look blurry. If you place an object right in front of your nose, you cannot see anything else. If any issue takes up that space in our lives, it can be hard to focus on anything. We have been in that spot many times in 30 years.
Not all have been easily overcome.
I want to fix things. That does not always work. Maybe it rarely works. Most of the time, if some issue or problem has presented itself, the best thing either of us can do to help is turning the binoculars around. We can help each other take a challenge and make it more clear. If you move an issue further away, it suddenly becomes possible to see different things as well. They become more apparent. Perspective gets better.
When you enter a marriage or any relationship, you come in with experiences. I call that Yellow and Blue. You get to mix those colors, but working at its best, each spouse keeps in mind their partner’s uniqueness. People need different things.
My wife’s uniqueness is an opportunity for me to be supportive when it doesn’t seem evident. We work differently. As I said, people need different things. I need different things than my wife.
One of the best ways my wife serves my unique needs is by reminding me to have perspective. She turns the binoculars around. The issue seems further away, the possible solutions get more apparent, and I feel more at ease. You’d think I would know to do this by now, but I’m headstrong. She has learned the balance between blunt force and gentle nudging. It’s lead to a more fruitful marriage.
Thank you for that perspective. I like the binoculars. I’m afraid that when I focus on my problems they are sitting on crosshairs.
“Consider silence as a possible option…” man, do I struggle with this. Thank you for this great reminder to those of us who feel the need to “fix” everything in our lives, instead of sometimes just listening!