10_19steamengineWM

Don’t think too hard; just answer in one or two phrases. I’m going to wager you picked from a couple of general themes. Maybe you love her because of something she does for you: She’s beautiful. She’s funny. She makes you feel strong. She lifts you up. She’s virtuous. She’s, well, fun in bed.

Or you love her because it’s expected: You know it’s the right thing to do.

Perhaps it’s a mixture of both. The first motivation capitalizes on her performance. The second focuses on your obligation. Both reasons are COMMON. And both reasons eventually run out of steam.

As men, we tend to love shiny gadgets. We crave the latest and greatest. So when the shine wears off a man’s bride, it’s no wonder we are tempted to pine for an upgrade. You may not pursue another woman, but if your primary motivation for loving your wife is her performance, at times, you secretly hope your wife will change. You may even drop some not so subtle hints:

“You working out today?”

“Remember when you wore a bikini?”

“I love the way So and So’s wife talks about him to others.”

When we love someone based on their performance: what they say, how they act, how they look, eventually they will let you down. None of us are perfect, and if you’re honest you long to be respected and loved by your wife because of you who are, not what you do or how you look. Trust me, as you get older, the mirror will become far more revealing than appealing. Performance driven relationships are exhausting.

When we love based on obligation, eventually marriage transforms into a cold union. Duty without a sense of glory always leads to drudgery. And drudgery always leads to death. It may not be the death of a marriage, but many marriages experience the death of intimacy. They married a soulmate, but ended up with a roommate.

Be UNCOMMEN this week.

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