The Best Thing a Dad Can Do

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Ephesians 5: 25-27 ~ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

The Declaration of Independence starts out with these words; We Hold These Truths to be Self-Evident… everything that comes next doesn’t have to be proven; it’s just fact. We know these things to be true just from making observations of others and looking within. We know this to be true. To argue is to put yourself at odds with common sense and logic automatically. So it is with the following statement, “The Best Thing a Dad Can Do….”

How would you fill in that blank?

The Self-Evident Answer

My Facebook post on this very question had quite a few responses from people. The reactions were great, and most of them were typical- “be present, honest, forgiving, loving, etc.” A few people read my mind, though. So here is what I believe is the most adequate, self-evident answer: The Best Thing a Dad Can Do is Love His Wife Well.

That’s it. It’s not rocket science. Men cannot spend time, listening, forgiving, modeling, saying, or displaying anything if they are not there. The only way to truly “be there” is to do everything in their power to protect the stability of their families. As a result, kids are direct beneficiaries of the love shown between a husband and wife.

Take mental notes on how your dad either loved your Mom to prove this point even further. How did that model affect you? I could pull out the sociological facts; we could look at the direct correlation between the stability of the family and the effects on children. The social sciences prove this concept ten times over, but the genuine test is, do you believe it based on your own life experience growing up?

The Power of Modeling

Remember the adage, “do what I say, not as I do?” It doesn’t really work. Kids do what we do. If my son has any chance of being a humble servant to his future wife, then he has to see it modeled on me. If he rarely sees it in me, then his chances of being that kind of man are terribly low. Likewise, if my daughters want to know what to look for in a man as they get older, they should be able to look to their father as the number one example.

It will probably attract them to a man that reminds them of the characteristics and traits of their father. I want my kids to see a man who adores his wife. To constantly serve Stacey out of joy, not out of guilt or begrudgingly. I love to spend time with her, and I know my kids are watching. We laugh, cry, hug, kiss, and hold one another often- right in front of them. We tell each other sorry; I love you, and I forgive you. I want my kids to see that our love for them extends the love we have for one another. As it pertains to the goal of protecting my kids, I believe the most protective thing I can do is to love their Mom. I know fully that I need as much practice as possible to do that well.

Uncommen Questions:

So the hard question I have to ask myself is, what kind of man am I modeling before them?

Do I put on a show when they are around? Or am I authentic in loving their Mom?

Uncommen Challenge:

I challenge us all to examine our relationship with our wives because our children are watching. They are modeling their path to marriage based on what they see from their parents.


  1. Jamal Jackson

    A lot of times I believe that I’m doing what is right in the sight of God and others. However I see and hear from my wife that I am not being what she needs in her life. It really makes me think that I am inadequate for her or our family. Help me to learn how to lead effectively and honestly.

    • Tj Todd


      I would suggest frequent conversations with your wife to discuss these topics. Give her chance to share her side and you can listen and share yours. Many times, we believe we are doing enough only to find out we may need to simply do something different. I think if you and your wife can start doing some marriage studies together, that may open doors to topics that need to be discussed.

      I hope this helps

  2. Brian Hall

    Being humble enough to admit you are wrong, not only to your wife, but also your children is a key component of being a father that we need to reclaim. To be so haughty to think you lose anything but your own pride is outside of Scripture and shows a need to repent.

    • Tj Todd

      Amen Brian….great input. For some men, these 5 words are the hardest to speak – I’m sorry…I was wrong.

  3. Robert Frarey

    When I saw the question I immediately said be a great husband. But if I’m being honest, it’s something I don’t practice well. This is a great article and a great reminder that outside of our relationship with God, as husbands, our first role and ministry is being a loving and sacrificing husband.

    • Tj Todd

      Amen Robert!

  4. Michael Ahmadi

    Yes to all of this. I always need reminders like this. I now try to make it a point to every once in a while share something with my son about the little things I love about his mother. So between modeling loving behavior to my wife and having little “isn’t it cute when Mommy does….” Hopefully my son will learn how to treat women better than me.


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