Dad’s listen up. There is something absolutely wonderful about being a dad to sons. Raising sons is a noble and important task. Part of the reason Uncommen was founded was because of the fatherhood crisis we are seeing in our society today. Look up the stats and you will see that fatherlessness is a huge problem in our juvenile court systems, in prisons, and in schools today. We have all seen or experienced firsthand the devastation of a lack of father involvement in the life of young men. So rather than milling about with our heads down, it’s time to do something about it.
If you are doing a great job with your sons today…. keep it up! If you are drifting along without a plan in how to raise up your son… this quick read is designed to encourage you to step it up and dial it in.
Fathering sons is serious work for serious men. So here are three things I would like to offer up that every son should hear or see from his father. If you have more, add them into the comments on the post below.
1. “You are loved”: Every son needs to hear that they are loved by their dad. Without affirmation from dad, we know that can often carry deep wounds into the most key relationships throughout life. All men long to hear those words from their dad. Often the first image your sons will capture about their Heavenly Father is an earthly image of their dad (for better or worse). So tell your boy you love him.
How do you do this? Grab your son by the shoulders, get down to his level. Look him straight in the eye and say. “Son, I love you.” Period. And give him a hug. Watch your son’s confidence grow every time you tell him that.
2. “I’m proud of you”: Most men looking for extra approval in all the wrong places usually never get that from their fathers. Why? Deep down most men wonder, am I strong enough? Am I good enough? Do I measure up? They need to know, at periodic seasons in their lives, that that they are worthy, they measure up, and that there is nothing they have to do to earn our favor. In the Scriptures, this is most clear when God spoke over His Son Jesus during the baptism by John the Baptist. “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” (Matthew 3:17; Mark 19:35). How do you do this? Look your son in the eyes and say “Son, I’m proud of you.” Give him a hug. Repeat, especially when it’s for no reason at all other than to remind him of who he is and that is he approved by you as his father.
3. “Hard work is a blessing”: Even though we are approved by God apart from our work, the quality and effort of our work do matter in this world and your son will be measured in both school, sports activities, and his career. Idleness, laziness, dodging responsibility, and entitlement can rot a young boy’s work ethic and translate into his adult life. Remind your sons that hard work is not a product of the Fall but rather a blessing to be experienced. Sweat equity, hustle, problem-solving, overcoming, succeeding, and even failure are all a part of God’s plan to develop our character. Make sure you son sees you work hard. And let him know that’s a good thing. If your son is seeing you dodging the work, they will more often than not mimic that behavior in their own adult life.
How do you do this? Welcome your son to see what you do for a living. Let him participate in the housework, yard work, helping clean up, and more. Make sure he sees you being helpful to his mother, not a burden.
UNCOMMEN CHALLENGE: This week write down bullets 1, 2, 3 from this article. Strategize how you plan to do these three things with your son this week. If you are like me, you may need a reminder. Set a calendar reminder to do this on your phone! Be Uncommen: be the father that does his very best to meet the needs of his children. Starting today.
Matthew 7:9-11 — “Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone? “Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? “If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!”
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