Touch is a language that all people seem wired to understand. Today, we’ll find 4 great times for physical touch with your spouse. And it’s imperative in the marriage relationship. Remember when you were first dating your wife? If you’re like me, it was electric. Remember your first kiss? Incredible! Then somewhere along the way, the hand holding, the kissing, even the sex sometimes loses its appeal. But why?
Life can be filled with busyness and stress. Most couples are often trapped in the vortex of working long hours and tons activities with children with little time to stop and be close to each other. Even the most intentional couples struggle with this is in different seasons of their marriage.
Have you ever gone a day without kissing your spouse? How about a week? A month? What about holding hands or even hugging? Between jobs, raising kids, paying bills, hobbies, it can all easily eat up our time. Often this leaves us with very little time to think about, let alone actually touch, our significant other in a meaningful way.
If we aren’t careful, we begin to let the everyday things become more important than the good stuff like touching the one we love. By being thoughtful and taking the time to touch and be close to our spouses, we’re physically and emotionally demonstrating that they’re a priority to us. We’re connecting in a way that says, “Hey, I love you, and you are important to me.” And it’s important to note that you shouldn’t expect it to lead to sex. In fact, if that is your expectation you might be pushing your wife further away.
Physical touch is one of the most powerful ways to communicate your love and care for them. Likewise, withholding touch is a powerful way to express anger or withdrawal. If you are like anything like me, you might be easily distracted and need reminders or cues to make physical touch with your spouse a priority before rushing into the day.
Great Times for Daily Physical Touch with Your Spouse:
1. When You Say Goodbye: A kiss and hug before you or your wife head out the door is the perfect way to start off the day.
2. When You Come Home: My kids know that when I walk in the door from work, the first kiss is always for their mom. It’s a reminder to us both that our relationship comes first, even before the kids.
3. When You Are Watching TV/Movie On the Couch: This is a great way to relax from a long day while also communicating with your spouse that they’re important to you.
4. Before Going to Sleep: No matter what happened that day, end the day with a hug and kiss in bed and say “I love you.”
These sound pretty simple at first glance, but it can be so easy to miss these moments. Life is distracting, and it can be overwhelming at times, but don’t let distractions make your most important earthly relationship suffer.
Ephesians 5:25: “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.”
About the author: Tj is the CEO of Studio490 Creative Services and Uncommen.
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My wife’s love language is physical touch, good reminders in for me. Thanks!
Makes me smile we made these adjustments on our own, but like with everything, we can Always improve!
My wife’s love language is NOT physical touch or words of affirmation, and whereas these are easy languages for me to speak (because both of those are my love languages), it is not always received by her in a way that fills her love tank. That kind of stinks because it would be so much easier to speak the same language!
But 10 years in, and in still learning to speak ‘gifts’,… ?
Dave, thank you for sharing that story. I’ve seen men & women struggle with love languages over and over. People usually go into this thinking, “My spouse is finally going to find out what makes me tick”. I had a man in a small group who’s LL was giving gifts. His wife wanted attention and he just couldn’t figure out why she didn’t like all the things he’d buy her. Finding out your spouses LL is one of the best things you can do for your marriage. The only thing that is better than learning their LL….is doing it! Stay Uncommen Dave!
I know the feeling brother! Exactly the same. Flowers and words acknowledging her little little jobs and decorations around the house has been my big way to show her that I love her…. doesn’t make any sense to me, but she feels loved by it.
Touch is very important to my wife, even in bed. She longs to be held while we’re sleeping. I on the other hand know this and like a dunce, I have withheld it by getting to busy or have withheld it out of anger in the past. Both of which are not justified. Whatever is important to her needs to be important to me and that physical touch is important to her.
Chris, thank you for sharing. Sounds like you know what to do now and that is a great place to be. Now go be a Rockstar and speak your wife’s love language. Stay Uncommen!
32 years of marriage and my wife no longer wants to be close to me. Acts a little stand offish when I try to hug her. Recently found out she has been looking at a lot of pictures of one man on her Facebook. It’s a actor but she had two pages of him and some of the pictures were explicit not nude but almost. I asked her “ I reckon if he knocked on our door and said I’m here to fuck you that you would drop your panties” her response “ yes I would and you would just have to get over it”. I went silent for about 20 minutes and then said “ not what any husband wants to hear “ her response “ I was just kidding” but she didn’t hesitate with her answer when I asked that guestion. Would take some to explain but she acts as if she wants one life with me her husband and be able to have another life without me in it. I have always shows my wife my love for her in cards and flowers at times for no reason. I always tell her how pretty she is and that our age she’s still a sexy lady and that I still love her and want her even more than when I first fell in love with her. I think maybe I’m to good and loving to my wife. She usually does not even acknowledge these things I do to show her anymore. I’m out of ideals and about to quit trying. Any help here please I’m in need of it.
Percy, thank you for sharing that with us. When a relationship is one-sided it’s never a great situation. I have two suggestions for you. I would sit her down and have a heart to heart talk about the state of your marriage. Ask her if there is anything that she’d like to discuss about your marriage. Give her a chance to explain her point of view. Maybe there is something that you have never heard before that is important. Listen carefully to what she is saying (good or bad). Don’t chime in, just listen. Don’t try to fix, just listen. Once she is done, then it’s your turn to gently, calmly and with love, explain your point of view. At the end of your period, ask for her input and address anything that she or you have said.
Secondly, I would suggest finding out what either others love language is. Your wife may have a love language that you are not speaking. You have have a love language that she is un aware of.
The first time you do this it may not work. It may take a time or two / three to get you both to a place of communication. But before you have any discussion, please pray about that discussion. Then at the start of you two sitting down to speak, pray out loud with her about the discussion.
I will be praying for you and your wife Percy.
Your marriage is worth fighting for!