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Speak Your Wife’s Love Language

Speak Your Wife’s Love Language

Colossians 4:6 “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”

Learn how to speak your wife’s love language.

What does “around six pm” mean to you?

It’s crystal clear to me. After my dad and I chucked papers at dark every morning, we would eat breakfast, and get ready for work and school, respectively, then he’d head out the door and tell my mom, “I’ll be home around six.”

At my house, “around six” meant “sometime between 6 and 6:45 pm.” My dad had this sweet, built-in 45-minute buffer. Punctuality was in the eye of the beholder.

So when I got married and started my routine, I would tell my lovely bride the same thing. I applied the buffer principle.

I started noticing when I came home that my wife didn’t always greet me as congenially as my mom greeted my dad. I just figured she had a bad day. I didn’t need to ask her what was going on. Like me, you know us husbands have a spidey sense about such matters.

So one day, as I was coming home “around six” (translation, about 6:30 pm), my spidey sense started tingling in the nape of my neck. I thought Jen probably had one of those days, so I stopped at the grocery store and picked up a few flowers before I got home. When I walked in the door and saw my wife’s face, I thought, “Yep, thank you, spidey sense! She must have had a terrible day.” So I flourished the hidden flowers and waited for that frown to turn upside down!

She grabbed the flowers, threw them on the kitchen table, and blurted out, “You don’t get it do you?”

Incredibly offended that Jen treated my pre-packaged $5.00 grocery store flowers with such contempt, I retorted, “I guess I don’t. Enlighten me.”

“Why would I want flowers that are going to die in 15 hours when you could have been home 15 minutes earlier? You said you’d be here at six.”

“Correction. I said, ‘around six.'”

In the next few minutes, we had a lively discussion about the interpretation of “around six.” It turns out her dad always said the same thing. Unfortunately for me, he had about a 2-minute buffer. He will roll in every day between 5:58 and 6:00 pm.

A few years later, I was reading a book by Dr. Gary Chapman about The Five Love Languages. He gave some Uncommen advice that would have saved me months of heartache.

“Turn your spouse’s criticisms into clues about their love language.”

Unfortunately, we men have thin skin. When criticisms start flying, we run to hide from the shrapnel or hurl insults. We rarely stop and listen. The old adage is true, “God gave you two ears and one mouth, so we should hear twice as much as we speak.” Next time your spouse hurls criticism or starts nagging, instead of being quick to anger or shout back, be quick to listen:

  • “We will never go out again!”  love language of time.
  • “Why is it that you only buy me gifts on my birthday?”  love language of gifts.
  • “Don’t you see all this work I have to do to keep this house up?” – love language of acts of service.
  • “Why is it you only hold my hand when you want sex?” – love language of physical touch.
  • “Kristin’s husband is always telling her how beautiful she is and how much he loves her.” – love language of words of affirmation.

You probably guessed my wife’s love language: quality time. Now I’m still not the most punctual guy in the world, but I love my wife enough to give her plenty of time to know when “around six” is going to be 6:45.

It took me a while, but I’m starting to speak her language.

 

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3 Comments

  1. J Sulek

    Fantastic article. I wish I would’ve known this early on I. My marriage as well. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply
  2. reuben

    Wow, this is quite insightful. I didn’t know that my wife critisims are clues about their love language.

    Reply
    • Tj Todd

      Well I wouldn’t say ALL of her criticism are clues, but they may reveal something. Example: If her love language is spending time and you give her a gift, you may not get the response you thought you’d get.

      Reply

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