Colossians 3:14: “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
I heard a story of a pastor who boarded an airplane and was sitting behind a young married couple. During the flight, they purchased a movie to watch together. But they wanted to watch it on their own tv’s that was in the headrest in front of them. So they both started the same movie at the exact same time and about 30 minutes into the movie they had to pause for one of them to go to the restroom. They paused the film for him to visit the bathroom. After returning, for the next 15 minutes, they tried to pause and start and countdown so that they could watch the movie in-sync once again.
The pastor saw the young couple at the luggage pickup and approached them both. He said he that loved watching them try to get the movies in sync because that was going to be a picture of marriage.
On the day of your wedding, you both said “I do,” and from then on out, you and your spouse should be trying to be in sync with each other. Both of you grow at different speeds, have successes while the other fails, is strong where the other is weak. But to know this and strive to be in sync with each other is what our picture verse tells us. Colossians 3:14 ends with the words, “in perfect unity.” If you’ve been married for a while, you know that it takes work to get to perfect unity. It takes prayer, sacrifice, love, flexibility, listening, encouragement and excellent communication.
Is your movie in sync with your wife’s movie? I know you are thinking, I hit play on Rocky / Star Wars / The GodFather and she hit resume on The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants / Steel Magnolia / The Notebook. How and the world is that supposed to be in sync with each other? I hate to tell you; they are not. If you remember in the story above, the young couple picked a movie to watch together. They didn’t each choose a different film. They agreed upon one movie to watch together.
You are going to have to agree upon a movie / a direction in which God wants you and your spouse to move together. That means you are going to have to give a little and she is going to have to give a little to get on the same page with each other. Where I would start is with prayer and reading God’s Word together. Do a marriage study to put you and your wife on the same page. When you and your spouse are centered in God’s Will, perfect unity starts to become the norm rather than the seldom.
The last part of the lesson that stood out to me was that someone is watching you and your spouse do life together. You children, family, friends, and others may be looking at both of you and saying, “what is God doing in their marriage?” We are called to be a reflection of God in all areas of our lives. So make a date with your spouse, pop some popcorn and hit play!
About the Author: Tj Todd is the President of Studio490 Creative Services and Uncommen.
Love this! Well put… Great way to relate in a way that men understand (movies!) .thanks so much
Thanks. I needed to hear this. Perfect timing.
I am on my 2nd marriage and have never been in sync with my wife. We fight all the time. I don’t think it’s possible to be in sync with her. I don’t think I can continue in this marriage. My faith is the only reason I haven’t left. She only tears me down and talks bad about me to her kids.
Jes,
Thank you for your feedback. I understand that it may feel like an uphill battle when your marriage is sideways. But it all starts with prayer and good communication. You may not be able to changer her mind about you, but you can change you. Work on being the husband and dad your family needs you to be. Then approach her about having a discussion about your marriage. Let her know that you want this to work and you are committed to investing in your marriage. Listen to her responses. See if she is open to praying for your marriage with each other and maybe doing a marriage study.
Jes,
I’ve been in a very similar situation years ago. I would like to suggest a few things that may get you on track. Christian counseling really helped my marriage. Helped her see how she was hurting me but also showed me I was hurting her just as badly without even knowing. Also you should read Captivating by Stasi Eldredge. Most problems are from wounds dating as far back as childhood. Understanding her wounds will help you be part of her healing instead of more wounding. I’m glad to say my marriage is wonderful once I learned to speak her love language and learn that I was unintentionally hurting her. Not every marriage can be saved but as men we should be the warrior and fight for it as hard as we can.
Jes,
I too had suffered a similar situation. I am the younger one of the two, and softspoken; so being talked down to was 2nd nature. We had struggled through for several years living as room-mates “for the kids” until a couple from church turned us onto Marriage Ministries Internation (I think its 2=1 Ministries now). Both my wife and I went in with the same mindset “I am doing this so she/he can see what they are doing wrong”, boy were we wrong!!! Now 17years later we are on our way to celebrating our 25th anniversary, and can honestly say that we are more in love now than what we were when we 1st got together. Open your hearts to God and he will intertwine with you and your spouse to make an unbreakable bond.
Jes
I know where your at I went through this as well I always thought what is wrong with me what am I doing so wrong that she would treat me this way you see I went to church but she didn’t I am not sure if this is your situation weather she is a believer or not but don’t give up I have a question for you
Have you ever seen and or read fireproof the movie ?
If not watch it together if she will also I have a book called the love dare I would love to send you if you want please email me your name and address and I will send it
Trust God and do all you can do and he will not fail you
You can do this I will continue to pray for you and your wife and family for a great change
Be blessed
Tom
I feel you but God says it’s not over.
Jes, my brother – please watch War Room – the movie on prayer and spiritual warfare.
If you’ll commit to praying for your wife, God and His warring angels will be called into battle on our behalf.
Also – I highly recommend you purchase the book on prayer (less than $10 at WalMart) by the title THE BATTLE PLAN FOR PRAYER.
I believe confidently that if you and your wife read one chapter a day together, God will move and turn your marriage around!
God bless you; I’m praying for you. David
Great reminder to be intentional in “getting on the same page” (in sync). 🙂
Been married now for 32 years. We’ve both been at the end of our ropes several times but, we tied knots (which was simply our faith in God) and found ways to stay together. It’s extremely an uncomfortable evolution and don’t want to visit there again. That being said, you can start to feel like settling for just not arguing over “stuff”. Just because we’re not arguing doesn’t mean that we’re in sync. You learn just how far to stay out of each others way, without being so far that you appear to be distant. I like the idea of a “marriage study”. Could you elaborate on that? Thanks.
Tyrone,
I love the illustration of the “knots” you and your wife have tied. What God as brought together, let no man undo.
As far as the Marriage Study, there are a ton out there. My wife and I are doing “The Language of Love & Respect – Dr. Emerson Eggerriches” We have just stared the 15 day email intro to the book. Great stuff so far.
Other recommendations:
– The Five Languages of Love – by Gary Chapman
– Men Are Like Waffles — Women Are Like Spaghetti – by Bill Farrel and Pam Farrel
I find it easy to do most things my WIfe wants to do. I probably could bend a little bit more her way and do things that she likes more often.
Sunday in Marriage Sunday School the topic of praying together was brought up. THAT IS TUFF to do and I don’t know if I can get myself to that point to pray with my WIfe on a regular basis like that. 25 years and still learning how to be ONE.
I feel so out of sync. Have for years. Sometimes I think the wires have been cut.
CP, I’m sorry to hear that. Everyone goes through those seasons of life where we may not be where God wants us to be. The real question is what are you doing to seek God’s will for your life. Are you reading His word daily? Are you praying for and with your wife? When was the last time you did a marriage study together?
Since God never moves away from us, when we feel out of sync it’s usually that we have moved away from Him.
Stay Uncommen