3 Tips on How to Understand Your Wife

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He was sitting on the couch, angry, trying desperately to communicate with his wife. They had never really learned how to fight well. Neither did they communicate well during tense situations. They didn’t even remember what they were fighting about, but they could not connect emotionally. He felt like he couldn’t get through to her. He thought there was just no hope. Is this you? Do you ever wonder how to understand your wife?

I Peter 3:7 – “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

During this desperate time, he stumbled across a verse about how husbands should treat their wives. Like most guys, he thought he was doing pretty well. But he knew he needed more to understand marriage. These thoughts from Peter showed him not only that he needed to change his thinking, but also, they showed him how.

The instructions: be considerate, treat her with respect; As the weaker partner, see her as equal. If I don’t, my prayers will be hindered.

Let’s take a closer look.

How to Understand Your Wife

Be considerate. Another way to say this is to live with your wife in an understanding way. Seek to understand her, meaning use insight and skill to connect with your wife. Study her and seek to understand what she needs.

Treat her with respect. Some translations state, show, or grant her honor. You honor your wife by showing her respect, appreciation, and value.

As the weaker partner, we immediately think of physical strength here. But a better view of this is the idea of a vessel, from which the example comes. The concept is that there are vessels for particular purposes and vessels for regular everyday use. Compare your fine china against your Corelle plates. You should treasure your wife as something so valuable and precious, like fine china, that you are extremely careful in handling her.

See her as equal. She is a fellow heir with you. She is not the same; no. But she is equal with you in receiving the gift of grace. How then can you hold yourself above her at any time? We are of equal value and worth. She should be treated as you would be treated.

That nothing will hinder your prayers. Why would you want your prayers hindered? If you don’t treat your wife well, you damage your wife and damage your relationship with God. He doesn’t hear us and won’t answer because of our disobedience.

Do you treasure your wife?

Wow! Talk about a paradigm shift. He now realized that he did not treasure his wife as he should. This model from Peter enabled him to fill his wife’s spirit with life and hope. Without it, they could never experience true intimacy.

You see, he had made many mistakes in his marriage. He had already experienced so much failure in this relationship. It was painful and frustrating. He hated being a failure.

But by following these steps that Peter lays out, instead of losing his wife altogether, he gained her trust and respect. Their marriage became infinitely better. Not easy, but better. They are closer than ever before because he’s treating her like he never has before in their marriage.

If you don’t fight for your wife, then someone else or something else will.

Author: Tom Nichols

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  1. Kurt

    Seems impossible. I am so selfish, deepseated self centered, and have failed to follow these clear Biblical mandates time after time. Only God can do this in me, the ability to be a good husband does not lie in my flesh.

    • Cedrick

      You are absolutely right Kurt. It is impossible in our flesh. But Jesus said in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 that HIS grace is sufficient for us and HIS strength is made perfect in our weaknesses. Praise God, he does it for us. We just have to submit to Him in those tough moments of weakness.

    • Denny B


    • Andre

      I agree with that Kurt. As for me, I know I have to rely on the Holy Spirit to power my ability to do these things. Only Him can make the changes and the more I let Him spend time in me, the more I can spend time with her.

    • Andrew

      I can understand the feeling of despair and condemnation, but once you acknowledge what is wrong the next step is to how to go about changing it….these days there are some many choices and avenue. God is able to guide and lead us to reconciliation to Him as well as in our marriage. We cannot give up! We run and lead by faith therefore our families run and follow us as we do so. Imagine a 4 leg relay and we either don’t show up, or rather quit midday. We cannot allow the enemy to win for our families sake.

  2. Chris Dunford

    Thank you for this. I am reading it while I sit here thinking very similar thoughts. I really needed this reminder and of course God knew and His timing is always perfect

  3. Hans Paul

    I treat my wife with respect, I understanding, I treat her as precious and priceless. I go out of my way to give her rest when she asks for it. We are equals, negotiating what we need from the day. I treasure her as well; she gets reminders of my love for her daily. Despite that she’s very distant and unaffectionate. I have calmly let her know that I desire her and have communicated activities for mild affection for us to connect through. She’s been facing old wounds from childhood trauma and ongoing depression since the birth of our 2 year old. I look to honor God in the way I treat her and endure. The rest is in her hands and His

    • Gavin

      Hans, your words are exactly mine. I have done everything and continue to love her despite the opposite angry response daily. I just keep praying for her no matter what. I have handed the situation over to the Lord. From reading up etc, it is a narcissistic female in my case. Rooted in childhood hurts…

  4. Chris

    You can’t fight a battle you don’t think exists.
    Think on this and, when you’re ready, fight with fervor! You have an army behind you that will gladly fight along side you. Ask for them (pray) with deep seeded conviction. It’s not a fast victory. It’s a sound victory that will help change your defaults and allow love to guide you and your wife on a path together. Blessing friend.

  5. John Stubblefield

    This is a great article, whether it’s the first time a husband has seen these verses, or a timely reminder.
    Peter’s message here is so simple, yet so profound!


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