Have you ever thought about sexual sin and taking out the trash in the same sentence? Probably not. Each time I emptied the trash, there was a different experience. Sometimes the garbage smelled bad, the trash was hefty, the trash overflowed, or the trash leaked awful fluids from leftover meals and beverages. One day I grew tired of the trash causing such difficulty in my life that I created a system and a set of rules. One trash bin was for recyclable goods. The other was for traditional trash. The general rule was that leftover food had to be discarded in our food disposal in our kitchen sink and remaining fluids had to be poured down the kitchen sink’s drain.
Proverbs 4:23 NASB “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.”
Bottles and containers had to be rinsed and dried before being placed in the recyclable/trash bin. If we’re cleaning our refrigerator and we’re throwing away food that we’re no longer eating, we set those in separate bags, which is taken out immediately. Now, when I take the trash out, it’s an easy process. There’s no smell, it’s not too heavy, and there’s no overflow or leakage. I believe that I’ve conquered taking out the trash the right way.
The Burden of Sexual Sin
Sometimes our sin is overflowing, smelly and too much a burden to carry. We know that God’s called us to be holy because He’s holy. One major area He’s calling us to be holy in is sexual morality. We can’t be holy if we succumb to sexual immorality. Three major components of sexual immorality are adultery (fornication if you’re not married), masturbation, and pornography. We have to get rid of these things, develop and implement an effective plan if we want to be what God’s called us to be: Holy!
I encourage all the husbands to be Uncommen and overcome sexual immorality God’s way!
7 Ways To Break Free From Sexual Sin
1. Acknowledge that you need to overcome sexual immorality. — Sometimes when we don’t want to take out the trash, we ignore the smell, find another place to place the garbage once the trash bin is full, or just stop caring. It tends to be the same case with sexual immorality. We have to acknowledge that there is a problem and that we need to get rid of these sexual sins.
2. Repent. — God said that if we confess our sins, He will forgive us of our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. This means that we have a new start. The trash has been taken out by our Father. The sin has been removed from our life at that moment. The sexual sin has been forgiven. When we are forgiven by God, we are free from sin. His mercy endures forever and is new each day. God wants us to turn to Him and give Him our struggles.
3. Take action. — Once the trash has been emptied, we can make sure that the trash does not build back up. It’s the same with sexual sin. Once God has forgiven us and set us free, we must stay free. A lot of times we repent, then repeat the same sin again. We don’t want to do that. We want to break the cycle of insanity. Instead of continuing the cycle, take action by getting rid of all of the temptation in your life.
Find Ways To Break Free From Sin
If it’s adultery, cut off all communication with your mistress. If it’s masturbation, channel your sexual urges towards your wife by flirting with her through text messages until you’re able to come home to see her. Tell her how beautiful she is, foreplay, and build anticipation on both ends. If it’s pornography, resist the urge to look up images or videos and instead relive your sexual encounter with your wife in your head, and when you get home, make love to your wife. And of course get rid of things that further fuel temptation such as internet access to pornographic images/websites, magazines, books, etc.
4. Commit. — Once you start, you have to keep going. There are times when I don’t feel like rinsing out containers and taking out spoiled food straight to the outside trash bin, but I do it to avoid a nasty smell from forming in our home or it leaking all over our nice kitchen floor, creating another thing to clean. You will experience the same thing. There are going to be days when your flesh doesn’t want to do the will of God, but this is when you remind yourself of why you’re doing it. Remind yourself of the consequences of committing a sexual sin. Remind yourself of the people you hurt with your actions. Remind yourself of how painful it was to experience Godly sorrow.
5. Find accountability. — God said that two is better than one for when one is down, the other is there to pick him up. Find a friend that you can share your struggles with and to hold you accountable to the plan you have set in place. In addition to your accountability partner, be transparent with your wife. Do not keep her in the dark, but share with her your highs and lows of your journey. This will deepen your intimacy and trust for one another.
Seek Outside Help When Needed
6. Seek spiritual and/or professional help. — Sometimes, it’s just too much for us to bear on our own and that’s okay. God uses pastors and professional counselors to help us overcome challenges in our life. God provides us a way of escape and for some that escape may be through speaking with a spiritual leader in your church or a professional counselor that’s credentialed to address your unique needs.
7. Celebrate. — Set small goals for yourself and when you accomplish them, celebrate by doing something meaningful or pleasurable. For me, I celebrate by eating a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, which is my absolute favorite snack (and something I can’t often eat because it’s not the healthiest snack). Find a way to celebrate your small victories, and you will strengthen your motivation to remain sexually moral.
Author: Donzell Lampkins
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Sometimes as I have experienced, is straight men hate or disapprove of being an accountable to a former recovered homosexal. But, see I know that I am free and delivered from that sin and the other attributes. Only I desire a prayer warrior and friends to hang out with.
Bobby, thank you for sharing that and Praise God! Thank you for being Uncommen and I will be praying for God to surround you with Godly supportive friends to hang out with and grow together with.
I thoroughly understand what you’re talking about. I have suffered most of my life with saw (same sex attraction) and straight men do not for the most part understand or emphasize with my struggles. I have been in recovery off and on for the past 16 years and recognize that this will always be a battle for me – my thorn in the flesh. But thanks be to God that he has set me free by the blood of Christ.
Bobby. As Tj said, Praise God for your salvation, your commitment to him and your path to freedom through Christ. I too will be praying for you, that God will also bring you the Brother or brothers to help you strengthen your walk! Stay in the Word, stay in communion with the Holy Spirit, stay in prayer, love like Jesus and stay UNCOMMEN!
The harder you try to stay away from porn the harder it will get to stay away. It’s like a nose around your neck. It’s an addiction that professionals compare to an Heroin addiction.
There are steps you need to take that will help you to get over it and stay pure.
I belive that the best book out there is “pure desire”. It gives you a lot of intel and guidance.
God bless you!
Amen Brother! This is great God given wisdom and advice! The enemy knows us well and makes whatever or flesh desires more available and very tempting! Thank you God for your grace and not giving us more than we can handle as your children. MEN…Strengthen your Hearts, Strengthen your Armor, Sharpen your Sword and run to face your enemy with the Power of God. RAK CHAZAK AMATS
I found that the more i filled myself with Jesus the urge to view pornography dissapeared. I realised that Darkness and Light cannot exist together so rather than reading 100 books and all that stuff simply filling ourselves with Jesus for real by spending time with him will sort out the pornography issue.
Karl, thank you for sharing. I don’t know your wife’s situation and why she has cut off all physical contact, but I would sit down and have a conversation about that with her. The great thing about God is he doesn’t contradict himself. He would not tell her to stop being intimate with you for no good reason. Get together, pray out loud for each other and then discuss this situation.
1 Corinthians 7:5 – Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Agree. It’s very hard to not sound judgmental, but what your wife is doing Karl is not of the Lord. I woulddiscuss this in a loving way with her and pray. God would not want to put you inthat kind of situation, and she is not to hold you hostage or withhold sex as a weapon or some sort of ultimatum. It’s not on her to say well you need to do this or act this way and then I reward. That is not biblical.
Good points here. Best decision I ever made was to stop looking at pornography. It’s been 6 months so far. However, one question. About that masturbation point. How does that apply to single men, such as myself? Am I to just abstain from that?
Sam, thank you for sharing your progress. I think the great folks at “Focus on the Family” says it best when it comes to a Christian and masturbation – https://www.focusonthefamily.com/family-q-and-a/sexuality/questions-and-concerns-about-masturbation
I have been covered in this sexual sin addiction since I was 7 years old. That is when I first started masturbating. I don’t know what to do when I think I am over it and moved on it creeps back in the thoughts the feeling the need the want the desire. It is so a part of me I just don’t know if I will ever be truly free. I am 48 married over 26 years. I love my Wife but I don’t Looooooooooooooove my wife like I am supposed too.
Glad I found this website and I am going to find the materials listed above and give it my all. Pray for me please. The last 3 years I have been better and stronger than I ever have been but I have fallen off the wagon just recently and I am trying to do all I can not to fall all the way back in and I want to make this year the year I get all the way clean and be the Christian Father and Husband I need to be.
Sorry to be so long winded but reading the above comments for all just giving me hope!
Woodbridge VA, thank you for sharing your story. It’s one that’s all to common to men (and women). It’s a constant battle as we are not just confronted with the temptation, but the ease of it as well.
One thing that we’ve discovered that helped people is to equate viewing porn as a connection (the fuel if you will) to sex trafficking. As long as we provide the demand, they will provide the supply and not everything that glitters is gold. Many of the people in those images / videos are not their by choice.
We will keep praying for you. You can do it through the power of the Holy Spirit!
Enjoyed the article. I’m convinced that the Holy Spirit led me to understanding that my addiction to lust often follows my levels of Testosterone or ‘T’. So, if ‘T’ is the gas pedal and behavioral techniques are the brake pedal, what happens when you step on both at the same time? Exactly. I researched foods and activities that boosted T levels and found that healthy living can turbo-charge our libido which can intensify lust. So, logic told me that reducing or removing them altogether may make a difference; and it did. Be conscious of foods that can elevate T such as eggs, dark green, yellow or orange vegetables. Strenuous exercise or weight lifting can elevate levels also. Be mindful that our ‘T’ levels are highest in the mornings (or when your day begins) and when we’re mentally tired or after experiencing a high level of adrenaline. If you take zinc, magnesium or omega-3 food supplements those additives also boost T levels. A supplement that suppresses T levels is Black Cohosh and available on line or at Wal-Mart with little to no side-effects including no performance loss. I take 3 tabs each day to take the foot off the gas pedal so I can both ‘steer and brake’ when needed. Lastly, a behavioral exercise that’s led to success is the 3-Circles Addiction model that helps design a customized ‘diet’ of mindful strategies to reach and maintain control.