Love Your Wife

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Tags: Identity



Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her…However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself.” Ephesians 5:25 & 33. 

Love your wife involves showing her love and affection in a way that is meaningful to her. Find out what makes your wife feel loved.

Picture the scene: my wife walking down the street holding one of our kids. As she crosses the street, a total stranger notices she is about to step in front of a bus. In a heroic moment, that total stranger could be willing to lay down his life for my wife by jumping in front of a bus to push her toward safety.  

As noble as that sounds, I am not called to jump in front of moving vehicles very often. I think I am called to do something far more meaningful–to live for her. One challenge of writing about a topic is that I usually realize that I miss the mark. It can be humbling, but the challenge issued is important.   

I know a lot of men, including me, who draw identity from work. It is highly common when two men meet each other and start a conversation. One of them will ask, What do you do?” It is not a terrible thing to ask, but it is a nearsighted view of our roles. We forget that working is just a part of us. We errantly think it is the most important part of us.   

What if I get up every morning and notice my wife walking down the street with one of our kids and I see her stepping in front of exhaustion? What if I see her walking through a plain day favoring that pain she has in her hip? Pain can take over a mind. If I love her as I love myself” as the above verse instructs, am I compelled to step in and help?   

In its purest form, if I love her as I love myself, I have to look at the world through her eyes as much as I look at it through my own, maybe more. I take a nap when I am tired. Do I make sure she does? I go to the doctor when I am sick. She won’t unless death seems imminent. Maybe I should make sure she makes the appointment. These are just simple things. What about more complicated issues like faith? Fears? Anxieties? Insecurities? Goals? Dreams? Victories? 


  • How often do I sit and ask her how she is and really want to know everything? 
  • How often do I look at myself as the best source of love in her life? 


Challenge: Most of the time, I think our spouse just wants to relate, talk, or connect with us. In fact, my wife has started a sentence with I do not need a solution, just listen…” Gentlemen, how often do we let her know we love her as we love ourselves?     

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  1. Corey Stewart

    That is eye opening and definitely a challenge to think about and take action in loving her.

  2. Michael Ahmadi

    Listening to your wife and RETAINING what she says. Men who else struggles with his besides me, and what are some tips for getting better at it?

    • Rick Claiborn

      I have found that sincere effort is more appreciated even if results are not perfect. Intentional is a key. I try and that matters to my wife. I have also realized that I will use technology to help me remember things for work, like a calendar or alarm on my phone. That can also help me remember things that my wife has told me and is a better result for me than counting on my memory.

  3. bobabr

    Some advice, if you can. I’m 70, my wife is 62. We’ve been married for 22 years. I’m not much into toys – I hate having to pay for them and maintain them – but due to my wife’s insistence we have a Corvette, a speedboat, two scooters and now a popup camper. Oh, and a house with a pool and spa. I’m not sure what other surprises are in store, but she’s looking to replace her beautiful Lincoln MKX with a camper van of some kind. She insists I not only experience what these toys have to offer, but like them as much as she does. I think that’s unreasonable. ‘Anybody have any thoughts they’d like to share? Be nice.

    • Tj Todd

      Bob, thank you for sharing. I have two things for you. 1 – It’s important for you to know your wife’s love language and for her to know yours. She may respond to gifts and you may respond to time together. When you both get a new toy, she’s all happy but you may not be. It’s important to communicate that and learn how to communicate in each other’s language. 2 – God may be blessing you with all you have and if He is, then Praise God. If you find that you and your wife simply buy things that ultimately don’t make you happy, you may need to reexamine your purchases. Maybe focusing on God may bring you both true happiness. Just some suggestions that I pray help


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