James 1:19 “Wherefore my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”
I suddenly regretted the words that had just left my mouth. My wife and I had just been in a bitter argument and I; being the broken man that I am, had to get the last word in. Most of us have been in this situation a time or two in the past, and as men, we tend to lean towards a win/lose way of thinking.
I recently had the unpleasant experience of my husband being ill for nearly two years. He was diagnosed with an abdominal hernia, the symptoms of which escalated rapidly from the onset of diagnosis.
Because his work included lifting heavy weights, I tried to show him that it was better to lift with his knees as opposed to his method of lifting with his back. He completely ignored me. His diet was another concern of mine.
In Genesis 3:6, God asks this question of Adam. I do not believe that He asked because He did not know where Adam was, but rather to bring Adam to a confession of his current state. It is in the acknowledging of your current state that you can identify what needs to be groomed, pruned or fixed. Generally speaking, we have held men in such bondage that they are unable to admit a fault, to say they are sorry, to cry, etc., because in the eyes of society – they are not real men if they do these things.
We just celebrated 10 years of marriage for my wife and I. As I was looking back through some old photos from dating, our wedding, honeymoon, lots of weekend adventures, the birth of our kids, I felt this great sense of pride, but I also remembered when we were challenged in our commitment to each other. 2 houses later, a handful of jobs, and 2 kids, it feels like we have really grown up and grown together as a couple. But that’s not been without its share of bumps and bruises along the way for both of us, learning to live and love each other “in spite of ourselves.”
You got a job offer. And it’s a big one requiring some big changes for your wife and your family. You feel like you owe it to yourself and your hard work in your career to talk with your spouse. You want to take it, but your wife is against it. What do you do? How do you choose your wife and your marriage over your calling in these types of real life scenarios? For some men, especially those in leadership, your job requires immense responsibility involving tens, hundreds, and maybe even thousands of people’s jobs on the line with decisions you make. It’s easy to see your position in leadership at the office as becoming more important than your job as the leader of your home.
“We are not won by arguments that we can analyze, but by tone and temper; by the manner, which is the man himself” ~ Louis D. Brandeis
There’s an old phrase that couples use when something one partner says starts an argument — “it’s not what you said, it’s how you said it.” At first pass, there may be some truth to it as far as marital success is concerned. A new study from researchers at USC & the University of Utah found that your tone of voice may impact the success or failure of your marriage, according to a press release. The study’s findings show that how couples talk to each other about their emotions can affect the way partners feel in the relationship, according to the press release.Don’t believe me? Tell your wife how much you love her but instead of a kind voice, use a sarcastic tone. Don’t do that! Never do that. But you get the picture. It totally changes the meaning of what you are saying just by your tone. What you say is not the only thing that matters; it’s critical how you say it.