Tag Archives: Spouse

In Sickness and in Health

I recently had the unpleasant experience of my husband being ill for nearly two years. He was diagnosed with an abdominal hernia, the symptoms of which escalated rapidly from the onset of diagnosis.

Because his work included lifting heavy weights, I tried to show him that it was better to lift with his knees as opposed to his method of lifting with his back. He completely ignored me. His diet was another concern of mine.

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Adam, Where Art Thou

In Genesis 3:6, God asks this question of Adam. I do not believe that He asked because He did not know where Adam was, but rather to bring Adam to a confession of his current state. It is in the acknowledging of your current state that you can identify what needs to be groomed, pruned or fixed. Generally speaking, we have held men in such bondage that they are unable to admit a fault, to say they are sorry, to cry, etc., because in the eyes of society – they are not real men if they do these things.

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Better Listening = Better Relationship

We just celebrated 10 years of marriage for my wife and I. As I was looking back through some old photos from dating, our wedding, honeymoon, lots of weekend adventures, the birth of our kids, I felt this great sense of pride, but I also remembered when we were challenged in our commitment to each other. 2 houses later, a handful of jobs, and 2 kids, it feels like we have really grown up and grown together as a couple. But that’s not been without its share of bumps and bruises along the way for both of us, learning to live and love each other “in spite of ourselves.”

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Marriage Over Your Calling

You got a job offer. And it’s a big one requiring some big changes for your wife and your family. You feel like you owe it to yourself and your hard work in your career to talk with your spouse. You want to take it, but your wife is against it. What do you do? How do you choose your wife and your marriage over your calling in these types of real life scenarios? For some men, especially those in leadership, your job requires immense responsibility involving tens, hundreds, and maybe even thousands of people’s jobs on the line with decisions you make. It’s easy to see your position in leadership at the office as becoming more important than your job as the leader of your home.

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Marriage Advice — Tips on Tone

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“We are not won by arguments that we can analyze, but by tone and temper; by the manner, which is the man himself” ~ Louis D. Brandeis

There’s an old phrase that couples use when something one partner says starts an argument — “it’s not what you said, it’s how you said it.”   At first pass, there may be some truth to it as far as marital success is concerned. A new study from researchers at USC & the University of Utah found that your tone of voice may impact the success or failure of your marriage, according to a press release. The study’s findings show that how couples talk to each other about their emotions can affect the way partners feel in the relationship, according to the press release.  Don’t believe me? Tell your wife how much you love her but instead of a kind voice, use a sarcastic tone. Don’t do that! Never do that. But you get the picture. It totally changes the meaning of what you are saying just by your tone. What you say is not the only thing that matters; it’s critical how you say it.

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How to Win Your Wife

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Do you remember any books you read from the 5th grade? Maybe it was a Choose Your Own Adventure tale, 101 Ways to Eat Fried Worms, or the one about a Lion, a Witch, and a Wardrobe. The one that immediately comes to my mind?
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. My dad knew my intimate knowledge of Star Wars would only get me so far in life, so he made me read this book with no pictures.

Carnegie, the sensei of sales, said If you want to have friends, and success in life, simply get people talking about their favorite subject – themselves. It’s not bad advice for husbands.

Peter, one of the first followers of Jesus, an accomplished fisherman, writer of Scripture, and married, wrote, “Live with your wives in an understanding way…” We may never completely understand the woman we live with, but this month at UNCOMMEN we are making at attempt to live in an understanding way.
After you’ve been married for a few years it’s easy to move from investigative journalist to anchorman. Anchormen simply report what’s happening during the day, journalists seek to understand the person their interviewing.
When marriage is made up of two anchors, it can weigh your relationship down. You get home, report on your day, and then binge watch Netflix. I’m sure that’s not what you had in mind when you said, “I do.”
Let’s be honest, most of us have about two questions in us after work, “How was your day?” and “What should we eat for dinner?”
So I channeled my inner Carnegie and asked a bunch of women on Facebook how we husbands can be more investigative.
One woman wrote, “I think women crave sincerity and want to go beyond the surface of ‘How was your day?’ Get specific and wait around for the answer.”
You don’t have to be smarter than a 5th grader to win and influence your wife – you just need a few well placed questions.
Bible Reference: Ephesians 4:2-3: “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
Uncommen Question / Challenge Combo: Write these down in your journalist notepad. Keep them handy:
  • What do you feel called to do that will create change in yourself or others?
  • What areas do you want to grow in?
  • If we could read any book together, what would it be about?
  • Do you need my help with anything?
  • What are your priorities concerning our marriage, the children, the house, the finances, or just life?
  • Would you like to go on a date?
  • Would you pray with me?
  • What were some highlight moments of this week?
  • Can you elaborate? (that’s a great follow up question)
  • What are you passionate about?
  • If she has told you an area of stress or struggle, check in a few days later and ask how it’s going.
  • Can I make breakfast?
  • What’s ONE thing I could help you accomplish?
By UNCOMMEN Coach and Sr. Creative Director at FamilyLife, Brian Goins. www.catapultconcepts.org
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