Proverbs 4:23 NASB “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.”
Each time I emptied the trash, there was a different experience. Sometimes the garbage smelled bad, the trash was hefty, the trash overflowed, or the trash leaked awful fluids from leftover meals and beverages. One day I grew tired of the trash causing such difficulty in my life that I created a system and a set of rules. One trash bin was for recyclable goods. The other was for traditional trash. The general rule was that leftover food had to be discarded in our food disposal in our kitchen sink and remaining fluids had to be poured down the kitchen sink’s drain.
Bottles and containers had to be rinsed and dried before being placed in the recyclable/trash bin. If we’re cleaning our refrigerator and we’re throwing away food that we’re no longer eating, we set those in separate bags, which is taken out immediately. Now, when I take the trash out, it’s an easy process. There’s no smell, it’s not too heavy, and there’s no overflow or leakage. I believe that I’ve conquered taking out the trash the right way.
The Burden of Sin
Sometimes our sin is overflowing, smelly and too much a burden to carry. We know that God’s called us to be holy because He’s holy. One major area He’s calling us to be holy in is sexual morality. We can’t be holy if we succumb to sexual immorality. Three major components of sexual immorality are adultery (fornication if you’re not married), masturbation, and pornography. We have to get rid of these things, develop and implement an effective plan if we want to be what God’s called us to be: Holy!
I encourage all the husbands to be Uncommen and overcome sexual immorality God’s way!
1. Acknowledge that you need to overcome sexual immorality. — Sometimes when we don’t want to take out the trash, we ignore the smell, find another place to place the garbage once the trash bin is full, or just stop caring. It tends to be the same case with sexual immorality. We have to acknowledge that there is a problem and that we need to get rid of these sexual sins.
2. Repent. — God said that if we confess our sins, He will forgive us of our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. This means that we have a new start. The trash has been taken out by our Father. The sin has been removed from our life at that moment. The sexual sin has been forgiven. When we are forgiven by God, we are free from sin. His mercy endures forever and is new each day. God wants us to turn to Him and give Him our struggles.
3. Take action. — Once the trash has been emptied, we can make sure that the trash does not build back up. It’s the same with sexual sin. Once God has forgiven us and set us free, we must stay free. A lot of times we repent, then repeat the same sin again. We don’t want to do that. We want to break the cycle of insanity. Instead of continuing the cycle, take action by getting rid of all of the temptation in your life.
If it’s adultery, cut off all communication with your mistress. If it’s masturbation, channel your sexual urges towards your wife by flirting with her through text messages until you’re able to come home to see her. Tell her how beautiful she is, foreplay, and build anticipation on both ends. If it’s pornography, resist the urge to look up images or videos and instead relive your sexual encounter with your wife in your head, and when you get home, make love to your wife. And of course get rid of things that further fuel temptation such as internet access to pornographic images/websites, magazines, books, etc.
4. Commit. — Once you start, you have to keep going. There are times when I don’t feel like rinsing out containers and taking out spoiled food straight to the outside trash bin, but I do it to avoid a nasty smell from forming in our home or it leaking all over our nice kitchen floor, creating another thing to clean. You will experience the same thing. There are going to be days when your flesh doesn’t want to do the will of God, but this is when you remind yourself of why you’re doing it. Remind yourself of the consequences of committing a sexual sin. Remind yourself of the people you hurt with your actions. Remind yourself of how painful it was to experience Godly sorrow.
5. Find accountability. — God said that two is better than one for when one is down, the other is there to pick him up. Find a friend that you can share your struggles with and to hold you accountable to the plan you have set in place. In addition to your accountability partner, be transparent with your wife. Do not keep her in the dark, but share with her your highs and lows of your journey. This will deepen your intimacy and trust for one another.
6. Seek spiritual and/or professional help. — Sometimes, it’s just too much for us to bear on our own and that’s okay. God uses pastors and professional counselors to help us overcome challenges in our life. God provides us a way of escape and for some that escape may be through speaking with a spiritual leader in your church or a professional counselor that’s credentialed to address your unique needs.
7. Celebrate. — Set small goals for yourself and when you accomplish them, celebrate by doing something meaningful or pleasurable. For me, I celebrate by eating a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, which is my absolute favorite snack (and something I can’t often eat because it’s not the healthiest snack). Find a way to celebrate your small victories, and you will strengthen your motivation to remain sexually moral.
Question 1: What does a life free from sexual immorality look like for you?
Question 2: If you could tell your wife anything regarding your sexual struggles, what would it be? Who is one person in your life that could serve as your accountability partner?
Uncommen Challenge: If you find yourself struggling with the sin of sexual immorality, consider completing the YouVersion study “Overcome Porn: The 40 Day Challenge”. Uncommen also has a YouVersion study entitled, “Porn Kills Love.”
Author: Donzell Lampkins
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