Proverbs 20:5 says, “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.”

In other words, we don’t always know why we do the very thing we hate doing – sometimes it takes a voice outside our heart to make sense of it. That’s why so many of us end up drowning in our own struggles – we rarely cry for help.

Maybe this is why God allows us to see so many of his heroes fall – to remind us how badly we need other men around us.

It seems like most of them made decisions in isolation. David was alone when he saw Bathsheba, and he never confessed his thoughts to a friend. Samson never had a peer, and therefore no one to question to pride. Judas led a secret life outside his band of brothers and bore his depression to the end of a rope.

Proverbs also says, “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire, he breaks out against all sound judgment” (18:1).

When I’m isolated, it’s far easier to do things I’d never do when I’m in the presence of others – whether it’s binge watching a tv series or a binging a bag of chips – if someone were sitting beside me, I’d probably make better judgment calls. I think this is why Jesus’ half-brother says, “Confess your sins one to another so that you might be healed.” He knew we make far better progress together rather than going solo. 

And I find most of us confess way too late to help us tackle an issue like porn. We confess at the weekly accountability group or a few days after the “episode.” But if Jesus said we sin the moment our thoughts turn racy, it might make more sense to invite guys into our heads and not just after the deed is done.

Imagine if we’d give each other permission to call or text the moment we start taking that second glance or the mouse move towards the link. It’s common to confess our sins after the fact. To take on this giant, we may need more uncommon tactics. Confess your thoughts.

Written by UNCOMMEN coach, Brian Goins, Sr. Creative Director of FamilyLife and author of Playing Hurt: A Guy’s Strategy for a Winning Marriage ( and Executive Producer on the documentary, “Brain, Heart, World: The Harmful Side-Effects of Pornography.”

Scripture: Proverbs 18:1; James 5:16

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